Mission: Looking for a self-motivated, American selling machine.
Requirements: Sell our services.
The ideal candidate must:
- Be highly creative
- Enjoy sales and a fun work environment
- Own more than one tuxedo or formal pantsuit
- Hate terrorism
- Love dogs
- Be a skilled skydiver, with a proficiency in night time HALO jumps
- Have apprenticed under a master Cuban cigar roller, Spanish matador or Pablo Escobar
- Be a devout fan of Ernest Hemingway, and know how to write in similar prose
- Not believe in the continuance of daylight savings time, but rather wish to institute it permanently
- Enjoy yachting, boating, fishing or anything involving the ocean
- Have traveled the world, or want to
- Know how to make an Old Fashioned, Manhattan, Moscow Mule and a Martini
- Like guns, and be an outstanding marksman
- Demonstrate a moderate proficiency in swordsmanship and fencing
- Possess an extraordinary amount of knowledge pertaining to world history, science, literature and current events
- Know how to golf, possess pre-1959 Ping golf clubs, we would prefer if you play poorly
- Be a carnivore
- Utilize 10w40 to moisturize
- Be proficient with a harmonica
- Know how to start a fire without a lighter or matches
- Have been a helmsman on an aircraft carrier
- Demonstrate competency in counter narcotics and counter terrorism operations
- Have wrestled an alligator, or similar apex predator
- Be an avid hunter utilizing falconry, archery or primitive weapons
- Own an automatic weapon or flame thrower, legally
- Be registered to vote
- Have stayed awake during a significant surgery, just to watch
- Owned or operated a 3-star Michelin Restaurant
- Have operational experience with land mines
- Own a pair of brass knuckles
- Have broken a horse and then ridden it along the Appian Way
- Been employed by Cirque du Soleil
- Have an affinity for single malt scotch, neat
- Have a multi-engine pilot’s license, with experience beyond Mach 2
- Be an expert in Krav Maga or Muay Thai
- Demonstrate proficiency with a 22-inch chainsaw
- Have a royal bloodline
- Be able to butcher a bovine carcass in under seven minutes using nothing more than a paring knife and a leather belt
- Believe in bigfoot, and have two pet chupacabras
- Be a certified Master SCUBA diver or above
- Have spent a night in jail in a foreign nation, for a crime you or your lover committed
- Be proficient as a classical pianist
- Have dual citizenship and two valid passports
- Be able to bareknuckle box a kangaroo, and hold your own
- Have scaled Mount Everest, twice
- Have Richard Branson’s cell phone number in your favorites section
- Enjoy feeding tiger sharks by hand
- Have a doctoral degree in aerospace engineering, neurology, or the like
- Know the difference between Afghan and Afghani
- Regularly sleep wearing velvet pajamas, top only
- Have learned to ride a bike at the Harley Davidson factory
- Use Louis XIII as mouthwash after brushing with a wire brush
- Possess the libido of Tiger Woods, or equivalent
- Have won a Kentucky Derby
- Have a minimum of two months’ experience as an adjunct professor at West Point
- Sailed the Spanish Main, alone
- Regularly substitute milk in cereal with Guinness Stout
- Be able to pass a polygraph examination, while under machine gun fire
- Have swam with humpback whales and Richard Branson at the same time
- Graduated from Basic Underwater Demolition/ SEAL training and be proficient in explosives
- Have a strong understanding of quantum physics and time travel
- Possess a Lombardi Trophy
- Have a concealed/ carry license
- Be working on your third marriage with no regrets
- Own a certified, pre-owned Lamborghini
- Participate in annual office fight club and will not mention said fight club
- Have a basic understanding of maintenance required for Soviet nuclear submarines
- Fancy himself/herself an artist
Compensation: One winter’s worth of firewood and two month’s rations of Cuban rum, plus commission
All candidates must be able to pass a one-week survival training assessment in the environment of our choosing.
Must have no fear of heights, as our office is located on the 2nd floor.
Should be a Heisman Trophy winner. Cy Young Award recipient is a plus.
CIA, KGB or MI6 experience is desirable.
The ability to speak and write in Mandarin Chinese, Swahili, and English is preferred.
Competency in juggling will be tested with live hand grenades.
***NBC’s Brian Williams must corroborate all of your experience.***
ONLY SERIOUS APPLICANTS IN THE TAMPA BAY AREA SHOULD APPLY!
In all seriousness, this position provides high earning potential for candidates looking to build a career in a fast-paced and exciting industry.
If you meet the above criteria or possess a sense of humor and have a strong desire to pursue a career in sales, email firstname.lastname@example.org to apply.
Please send us your best sales pitch, along with your resume and cover letter, and if you’re selected for an interview, we will be in touch.
Judge Public Relations is a veteran-owned business that provides equal employment opportunities (EEO) to all employees and applicants for employment without regard to race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability or genetics. In addition to federal law requirements, Judge Public Relations complies with applicable state and local laws governing nondiscrimination in employment in every location in which the company has facilities. This policy applies to all terms and conditions of employment, including recruiting, hiring, placement, promotion, termination, layoff, recall, transfer, leaves of absence, compensation and training.
Judge Public Relations expressly prohibits any form of workplace harassment based on race, color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, age, genetic information, disability, or veteran status. Improper interference with the ability of Judge Public Relations’ employees to perform their job duties may result in discipline up to and including discharge.