BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT ASSOCIATE

Mission: Looking for a self-motivated, American selling machine.

Requirements: Sell our services.

 

The ideal candidate must:

  1. Be highly creative
  2. Enjoy sales and a fun work environment
  3. Own more than one tuxedo or formal pantsuit
  4. Hate terrorism
  5. Love dogs
  6. Be a skilled skydiver, with a proficiency in night time HALO jumps
  7. Have apprenticed under a master Cuban cigar roller, Spanish matador or Pablo Escobar
  8. Be a devout fan of Ernest Hemingway, and know how to write in similar prose
  9. Not believe in the continuance of daylight savings time, but rather wish to institute it permanently
  10. Enjoy yachting, boating, fishing or anything involving the ocean
  11. Have traveled the world, or want to
  12. Know how to make an Old Fashioned, Manhattan, Moscow Mule and a Martini
  13. Like guns, and be an outstanding marksman
  14. Demonstrate a moderate proficiency in swordsmanship and fencing
  15. Possess an extraordinary amount of knowledge pertaining to world history, science, literature and current events
  16. Know how to golf, possess pre-1959 Ping golf clubs, we would prefer if you play poorly
  17. Be a carnivore
  18. Utilize 10w40 to moisturize
  19. Be proficient with a harmonica
  20. Know how to start a fire without a lighter or matches
  21. Have been a helmsman on an aircraft carrier
  22. Demonstrate competency in counter narcotics and counter terrorism operations
  23. Have wrestled an alligator, or similar apex predator
  24. Be an avid hunter utilizing falconry, archery or primitive weapons
  25. Own an automatic weapon or flame thrower, legally
  26. Be registered to vote
  27. Have stayed awake during a significant surgery, just to watch
  28. Owned or operated a 3-star Michelin Restaurant
  29. Have operational experience with land mines
  30. Own a pair of brass knuckles
  31. Have broken a horse and then ridden it along the Appian Way
  32. Been employed by Cirque du Soleil
  33. Have an affinity for single malt scotch, neat
  34. Have a multi-engine pilot’s license, with experience beyond Mach 2
  35. Be an expert in Krav Maga or Muay Thai
  36. Demonstrate proficiency with a 22-inch chainsaw
  37. Have a royal bloodline
  38. Be able to butcher a bovine carcass in under seven minutes using nothing more than a paring knife and a leather belt
  39. Believe in bigfoot, and have two pet chupacabras
  40. Be a certified Master SCUBA diver or above
  41. Have spent a night in jail in a foreign nation, for a crime you or your lover committed
  42. Be proficient as a classical pianist
  43. Have dual citizenship and two valid passports
  44. Be able to bareknuckle box a kangaroo, and hold your own
  45. Have scaled Mount Everest, twice
  46. Have Richard Branson’s cell phone number in your favorites section
  47. Enjoy feeding tiger sharks by hand
  48. Have a doctoral degree in aerospace engineering, neurology, or the like
  49. Know the difference between Afghan and Afghani
  50. Regularly sleep wearing velvet pajamas, top only
  51. Have learned to ride a bike at the Harley Davidson factory
  52. Use Louis XIII as mouthwash after brushing with a wire brush
  53. Possess the libido of Tiger Woods, or equivalent
  54. Have won a Kentucky Derby
  55. Have a minimum of two months’ experience as an adjunct professor at West Point
  56. Sailed the Spanish Main, alone
  57. Regularly substitute milk in cereal with Guinness Stout
  58. Be able to pass a polygraph examination, while under machine gun fire
  59. Have swam with humpback whales and Richard Branson at the same time
  60. Graduated from Basic Underwater Demolition/ SEAL training and be proficient in explosives
  61. Have a strong understanding of quantum physics and time travel
  62. Possess a Lombardi Trophy
  63. Have a concealed/ carry license
  64. Be working on your third marriage with no regrets
  65. Own a certified, pre-owned Lamborghini
  66. Participate in annual office fight club and will not mention said fight club
  67. Have a basic understanding of maintenance required for Soviet nuclear submarines
  68. Fancy himself/herself an artist

 

Compensation: One winter’s worth of firewood and two month’s rations of Cuban rum, plus commission

All candidates must be able to pass a one-week survival training assessment in the environment of our choosing.

Must have no fear of heights, as our office is located on the 2nd floor.

Should be a Heisman Trophy winner. Cy Young Award recipient is a plus.

CIA, KGB or MI6 experience is desirable.

The ability to speak and write in Mandarin Chinese, Swahili, and English is preferred.

Competency in juggling will be tested with live hand grenades.

***NBC’s Brian Williams must corroborate all of your experience.***

 

ONLY SERIOUS APPLICANTS IN THE TAMPA BAY AREA SHOULD APPLY!

In all seriousness, this position provides high earning potential for candidates looking to build a career in a fast-paced and exciting industry.

If you meet the above criteria or possess a sense of humor and have a strong desire to pursue a career in sales, email news@judgepr.com to apply.

Please send us your best sales pitch, along with your resume and cover letter, and if you’re selected for an interview, we will be in touch.

 

Judge Public Relations is a veteran-owned business that provides equal employment opportunities (EEO) to all employees and applicants for employment without regard to race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability or genetics. In addition to federal law requirements, Judge Public Relations complies with applicable state and local laws governing nondiscrimination in employment in every location in which the company has facilities. This policy applies to all terms and conditions of employment, including recruiting, hiring, placement, promotion, termination, layoff, recall, transfer, leaves of absence, compensation and training.

Judge Public Relations expressly prohibits any form of workplace harassment based on race, color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, age, genetic information, disability, or veteran status. Improper interference with the ability of Judge Public Relations’ employees to perform their job duties may result in discipline up to and including discharge.

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